Sexual addiction is painful for everyone it touches. It ruins lives, dreams, and self-esteem—for both the struggler and their spouse. With some healing, the addict may get to the point of being able to acknowledge that their choices helped lead them down this path—but what about the spouse? Why is this happening to her? To you?
It’s a really good question—a common question—that doesn’t have an easy answer. It may be years before you can look back and see how God used this ugly situation for good. Or, you may never know the whole story this side of heaven. We could delve into all kinds of conjecture about what made you vulnerable and why you weren’t able to see or avoid it before you got married, but how will that help NOW?
Instead, it is, undoubtedly, more valuable to eliminate those things that pop into our minds that definitely AREN’T the reason. These lies are the things that bring us down and make us feel poorly about ourselves, needlessly.
Why is this happening to YOU? Why did you end up married to a sex addict and the disappointments that come with it?
IT’S NOT BECAUSE YOU’RE BEING PUNISHED!
I’ve heard many women speculate that maybe they’re in this situation as payback for being promiscuous as a teen, or for not being the Christian they should be. In essence, they believe that God is punishing them for not being good enough. If this has ever crossed your mind, send that thought packing. That’s not the way our God works.
He says you were “fearfully and wonderfully made,” but He knows, better than any of us, that in our human-ness we aren’t perfect. That’s why He sent his Son, Jesus to die for our sins and short-comings.
We may experience negative consequences when we make rebellious, wrong choices, but it’s not because God is punishing us.
God is merciful. Even, in our sin, he doesn’t give us what we deserve. Want to see what the Bible says? Hebrews 4:16; Ephesians 2:4-5; Psalm 51:1-2; Psalm 103:8; Micah 7:18; 2 Timothy 1:9; Romans 3:23-24
IT’S NOT BECAUSE GOD DOESN’T LOVE YOU
God never says “if” when he talks about loving you. His love is not contingent on your looks, prestige or performance. In fact, he says NOTHING can separate you from his love.
The Bible even says he has plans for you—plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. He loves you so much he wants to give you the desires of your heart—even if they look totally impossible.
We don’t have to earn God’s love. He loved us before we were even born.
Doubt His love for you? Take a look at these verses: John 3:16; Romans 8:37-39; Ephesians 2:4-5; Romans 5:8; Zephaniah 3:17; 1 Peter 5:6-7; Psalm 86:15. (And these are just a handful of the references about his love for you).
IT’S NOT BECAUSE YOU DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING BETTER
It doesn’t matter what other people have told you, or what you have decided about yourself. Your life is not “jinxed.” You haven’t used up God’s grace. You aren’t worse . . . or less . . . than anyone else.
The enemy would like us to think we are inferior or undeserving. He would like to keep us from accepting and using the gifts God has given us. He wants to destroy us. And, if he can’t do that, he will work at immobilizing us by whispering things to us that keep us depressed, discouraged and depleted.
The truth is you were created, chosen, and known by God. You are special in his sight! Psalm 139:13-14; 1 Peter 2:9; Jeremiah 1:4-5; Ephesians 2:10; Psalm 139:16; Psalm 139: 2-4; Genesis 1:27
SO, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO YOU?
I really can’t answer that. But I do know that, if you allow Him to, God will use this very painful situation to increase your faith, strengthen your relationship with Him and encourage the wonderful woman you were created to be, to shine through and bless everyone around you.
If you ask, He will pour strength and courage into your heart; wisdom and clarity into your mind; and the energy you need to get through to the other side of all this. In the midst of this valley, you can become more beautiful, more grace-filled, more full of faith. Hmmm . . . could that be the reason this is happening to you?
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” — James 1:2-4
TODAY’S CHAT: What has God been doing in your life since you found out about your husband’s struggle? Does it reveal any additional answers to your “why is this happening?” question?
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