Rich Blessings Are Found in the Darkness of the Ugly

Don’t you just love unexpected blessings?

We cherish the memory of that time our friend stopped by and surprised us with our favorite coffee drink; the day we were tired or in pain and we found a parking place right in front of our destination; or discovering a long-forgotten $100 dollar bill in that old purse in our closet.

Unfortunately, our greatest blessings aren’t always wrapped in joyful acts of kindness or serendipitous discoveries. Sometimes they are agonizingly birthed out of our darkest, ugliest experiences.

My Recent Experience

There are three things I really detest: needles, puking and dizziness. I generally try hard to avoid them, but recently all three of them came together to create a perfect (or should I say—a perfectly AWFUL) storm.

It had been a pretty laid back Sunday afternoon. No big projects, no particular stress. A rare “lazy” day. As evening came, my husband and I prepared for yet another work week and toddled off to bed—at a reasonable hour for a change. All was good.

Imagine my surprise when just two hours later I woke up needing to go to the bathroom. (Don’t you just hate that?).

As I started to get up, the room began whirling out of control. I fell back onto the bed and closed my eyes to escape the sickening kaleidoscope. At first, I assumed I must have just tried to jump up too quickly. So, after lying still for a few minutes, I tried again, much slower and more deliberately. This attempt was even worse. The room wasn’t just spinning, it was doing somersaults and cartwheels. It was unbearable.

The “Call of Nature” Persisted

Unfortunately I still needed to go to the bathroom—desperately by this time—but I sure didn’t know how I was going to get there.

I knew I had to find a way, so I gingerly slid my rubber-legged feet onto the ground and clutched onto the side of the bed as I shakily inched toward the bathroom—eyes still closed. When I reached the end of the bed I pretty-much stumbled toward my destination, grabbing anything and everything I could along the way—the bedroom chair, the dresser, the door frame and finally the long bathroom cabinet that led me to the toilet.

By the time I finished my business, and groped my way back to the bed, my husband was wide awake and wondering what in the world was going on. He immediately wanted to call 911, but I am stubborn and cheap. I absolutely refused to go to the hospital and spend tons of money on a little passing dizziness.

Unfortunately, it didn’t end up being little or passing. As the agonizing minutes ticked by with no improvement, I finally surrendered and let Bruce make the call. In what seemed like only minutes, there were the strange voices of the medics beside me. asking me all kinds of questions. With eyes tight shut, I answered the best I could. They quickly determined that I needed to be transported to the hospital. Ugh!

And Off We Went

The next challenge was to get me through the house, down the front steps and into the ambulance. The EMT’s tried to help me sit up, but even that simple action caused me to throw-up. Boy, those guys are good, though! Before I could even get the words out they had a barf bag in my hand. I guess they’ve seen the signs before.

In a moment of inspiration they grabbed the rolling office chair from our desk and somehow slid me onto it. Before I even knew what was happening I was being rolled out into the cool night air. With a few more tricks, they had me down the stairs and into the ambulance. I don’t know exactly how they did it—because it would be nearly eight hours later before I was able to open my eyes and not get sick to my stomach.

The next while was a blur—the bumpy ambulance ride, being rolled into the emergency room, needles and IV’s and drugs and tests and way more throwing up, occasionally interrupted by the soothingly familiar voices of my daughter, my husband, and later my son (who drove an hour and half to be by my bedside).

Somewhere along the way, the doctors determined that I actually had two issues: a viral infection that was affecting both my stomach and my inner ear AND atrial fibrillation of the heart. The heart problem prompted them to whisk me off for additional scans and a cardioversion (the electric “paddles” you see so often in television dramas) to shock my heart back into a normal rhythm. Thankfully, it appears to have been successful. The next month of wearing an awkward heart monitor will give us the rest of the story.

Did You Spot the Blessings, Yet?

Me neither at that point! It was a grueling and scary day. I’m well aware that many of you have experienced medical crises much more severe and long lasting than mine. You know the fear and worry that comes with physical distress.

The big story, here, isn’t actually WHAT happened to me. It is the hidden blessings that were soon to be revealed.

When you have atrial fibrillation, your heart rhythm is messed up. Instead of the normally strong and regular beat of the heart that pushes the blood into the ventricles, the upper chambers of the heart beat erratically. Sometimes that causes the heart to continually race but, in other cases, its activity is reduced to just fluttering or quivering instead of contracting rhythmically. Either way, the blood is not pushed through in the normal forceful way. If it is not fully expelled, the blood can begin to pool up and clot, causing a highly elevated risk of stroke and maybe even death.

My grandmother had a stroke when I was just 20 years old. In a split second she lost her ability to walk and communicate. She became trapped in a body that no longer served her. For the remaining months of her life, she had to rely on others for EVERYTHING. It was very difficult to watch. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody!

But, It Could Have Easily Been Me!

Having atrial fibrillation put me in very real danger of the same outcome, but I didn’t even realize it was happening. I had no obvious symptoms. I’d been a little tired, but who isn’t? Life is crazy at times. I never suspected it could actually be something dangerous.

I’m not one to run to the doctor with every little complaint, so without the terrible awful vertigo, which was impossible to ignore, I would have never ended up in the hospital and I wouldn’t have known I was in danger until it was too late. Suddenly, that awful, worst of the worst, day became an incredible blessing to me and my family.

It Opened my Eyes!

As I reflect back over my life, I can remember so many times and situations that were absolutely grueling. But, I can also see how, in each of them, I learned or discovered something that was pure gold.

Even my husband’s long and painful struggle with sexual addiction brought forth a myriad of blessings. That experience, that nearly tore us apart, ultimately strengthened our relationship. His desperate struggle to be free, coupled with the betrayal and hurt his behaviors caused me, paved the way for this ministry. We rejoice that our most painful moments have become a source of hope and encouragement for others on this recovery journey.

Many times the situations we see as “bad” are actually nudging us into the best possible place for us—a place where we will experience immense growth and exceeding blessings.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if some of your biggest battles, deepest pain, and very-bad-days, ultimately hold hidden blessings for you, as well. It’s just one of the ways God shows Himself to us. It is my greatest hope that you will be blessed with eyes that can see beyond the struggles and catch a glimpse of the good works God is doing behind the scenes.

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The Prize is at the Bottom