In a way, we are all double-minded and God, himself, created us that way. He didn’t do it to confuse us or tempt us, but because he loved us so much he wanted us to survive.
We all know about the cognitive “thinking” part of our brain where our morals, values and reasoning skills are located, but there is another part that has a totally different function. The limbic system, located deep within the base of our brain, was created specifically to keep us alive and safe.
HOW IT WORKS
When we sense danger, either physical or emotional, our limbic system actually takes over. It overrides our cognitive brain and automatically urges us to do whatever our experience has taught us is necessary to keep us safe.
If the impending danger is of a physical nature, this automatic response may be something like blinking when something comes toward our eyes or jerking our hand back when we’re about to touch something that could burn us.
If the danger is more emotionally-based, like rejection, anger, or ridicule (or anything that feels similar) we respond with fight, flight or freeze reactions.
THIS IS WHAT DRIVES ADDICTION
Our husbands, who have learned that sexual behaviors will help distract them from real or perceived danger, will generally experience intense cravings to run to those activities that will allow them to avoid the impending danger.
BUT, OUR LIMBIC BRAINS TRY TO SAVE US TOO
We, on the other hand, generally react in other ways. We may use food to change the chemicals in our body so we feel better; get angry and yell or slam doors; bury ourselves in busyness; or attempt to outrun the pain by isolating or just plain going to bed and pulling the covers over our head. If we feel especially trapped by our situation or responsibilities, our bodies may even “cooperate” by getting physically sick to give us a subconscious (and very convenient) excuse to distance ourselves from the rest of the world.
THE GOOD NEWS
When our emotional wounds and the beliefs they created are healed, we will no longer perceive many of these things as dangerous and effectively eliminate the need for these fight, flight, freeze “solutions.”
IN THE MEAN TIME . . .
Until that happens, we can learn techniques that will pull us out of the reactionary limbic brain and return us to the cognitive brain where we can make healthier choices based on our morals, values and reasoning.
Our senses (seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, tasting) are the key to returning to our cognitive brain. When we focus intently on the things around us, it takes us away from our automatic reactions and the fears or bad feelings that triggered them. Here are just a few things to try.
1. Step outside. If it’s warm, feel the sun shining on your face. If it’s raining, concentrate on how the water feels as it falls on you and runs down. If it’s cold feel the breeze or watch your breath as you exhale slowly.
2. Exercise. Ride a bike. Lift weights. Do jumping jacks. Feel your body move and your muscles flex.
3. Concentrate on your breathing. Take a deep cleansing breath. Let it out slowly. Repeat several times.
4. Keep a rubber band on your wrist and pluck it and feel the sting when you need to get out of the emotions and back to the here and now.
5. Take a walk through your neighborhood. Pay attention to the houses and count them as you pass them. Depending on the season, shuffle through fallen leaves and listen to the sound or smell the fresh cut grass. Notice the sights and sounds of your neighborhood.
6. Stand in front of a mirror and make yourself smile. Watch your reflection as your expression changes. How does it make you feel?
7. Slowly wash your hands or take a warm shower or a hot bath. Feel the water touching your body. Pay attention to the smell of the soap or shampoo.
8. Hold and pet your dog, cat or other animal. Feel their fur, listen to the sounds they make. Speak the animal’s name out loud.
9. Eat something. Pay attention to how it tastes and whether it is warm or cold; sweet or sour. If it is creamy, let it melt in your mouth. If it is crisp, listen to the crunch as you chew.
10. Listen to familiar music. Dance or sing along with it.
11. Call a friend and ask them talk with you about something you have recently done together.
12. Stomp your feet, clap your hands or rub your palms together. Listen to the sounds. Feel the sensations.
13. If you are sitting, stand. If you are standing, sit. Cross your legs or arms. Feel the sensations of you controlling your body.
14. Sit quietly and concentrate on what is going on around you. Hear the clock ticking. Feel the warmth of the fire. Notice any other smells or sounds. Pay attention to what others in the house are doing at this moment.
Keep experimenting with these various activities until you find the ones that work for you. Learning how to get in touch with your cognitive brain when your limbic survival brain is feeling unsafe and scared—especially if that fear is not based on reality—will help you avoid reacting in ways that could make life even more challenging.
“Submit yourselves, then to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded . . Humble yourself before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” — James 4:7-8, 10 (NIV)
TODAY’S CHAT: Which of the 14 suggestions seems to be most effective in calming your brain and spirit, so you can think more clearly and respond with more thought and intentionality?
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