Is This YOUR Secret Fear?

Escalating addictive behaviors often bring new fears—for both the struggler and their spouse. Many wives have come to us expressing deep concern about their personal safety. They feel like they no longer know this man they married. They never, in their wildest dreams, could have believed that he was capable of the type of activities he has been caught in. They fear that he is becoming some sort of monster that could endanger them or their children. They wonder whether he might molest their kids . . . or worse.

Have you ever wondered? Have you ever felt that fear? It’s not that unusual. Many women have felt the same concerns.

The well-publicized connection between famous rapists and serial killers and pornography and prostitutes has planted a seed of fear that has grown rampant in our society. Even many addicts, themselves, are secretly haunted by these concerns. They are painfully aware that somewhere along the line the addiction gained control over their lives. They also know that no matter how strong their resolve is to stop the unwanted behaviors, all the addiction needs to do is flex its muscles and their willpower is smashed to bits. Again and again they find themselves returning to the very things they vowed they would never do—things that may even go against their very moral fiber. Where will it stop? Is it possible that they will further deteriorate to the point that they could—and would—hurt the people that are most important to them?

The good news is that most of these fears are completely unfounded. Even though many rapists, serial killers and sexual predators admit to using porn, only an infinitesimal number of sex addicts are capable of such perverted behaviors. People that can rape and kill have problems that go much, much deeper than an addiction to porn. At some point, usually very early in their lives, their conscience has been seared to the point that they can no longer distinguish right from wrong or experience feelings of guilt or remorse.

There are times when the self-protective lies and blaming of an addict may make them appear to be cold and heartless, but for the majority of them, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, it was often the addict’s gentle and sensitive nature that made them particularly susceptible to the deep wounding they received.

Most never set out to hurt anyone by “choosing” this addiction—they were only looking for a way to make their own pain and fears go away. As God heals their wounds, they will not only be able to relinquish their addictive behavior, but they will be able to move ever closer to again becoming that vulnerable, sensitive and very beautiful person God originally made them to be.

“…they will see God’s face and shout for joy; he will restore them to full well-being.”  — Job 33: 26 (NIV)

TODAY’S CHAT: Have you experienced this fear, too? If not, what IS your biggest fear relating to your husband’s struggle? Please share with us in the comment box below.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net