Wives of addicts often complain about having to live in limbo. So many feel that all their plans for the future were snatched away, along with their security, the day they found out about their husband’s struggle. They no longer have any idea what the future will look like . . . and they hate it!
It seems like overnight, all their “we-are-going-tos”and their “then-we-wills” have turned, instead, into a sea of daunting questions. Will my husband find healing? Will I ever be able to trust him again? Will we still be together in ten years? Will we have any happiness? If we separate am I relegating my children to a life of poverty and want? How will we make it? Nearly everything they thought they had figured out is gone . . . and it makes them angry.
I understand those feelings. I’m one of those people that has always liked goals and lists and 5-year plans. Little by little, though, I’m having to let go of the pseudo-comfort that they bring (well except for the lists . . . my husband still thinks I have WAY too many of those floating around.:-)
I’m beginning to understand that all those goals and plans were MY effort to control my life and make it feel safe and sane. But life is NOT safe and sane—nor was it ever meant to be. In truth we are all living in limbo. We don’t know what will happen next year, tomorrow or even this afternoon.
A couple of weeks ago, a long-time friend, my very same age, had a stroke, and within hours was dead. Earlier this week my last living aunt passed away. She’s had some physical problems over the years, but when I last talked to her just a couple of weeks ago, she was full of plans and new ideas. Now she, and all her plans, are gone.
Another close family member was living frugally but comfortably. She was exceedingly responsible and had a phenomenal credit rating. Then, without warning, her ex-husband lost his job and the child support payments stopped. He found another position but is making very little and hasn’t paid her a dime in nearly four months. Her part-time job has barely kept her and her children fed and clothed. Her money and her credit rating are gone and have been replaced with unpaid bills and the very real threat of foreclosure and homelessness. Her carefully crafted plans have turned to rubble.
It’s not wrong to plan or have goals . . . but we have to bear in mind that none of us can control the choices of others, our continued health or wealth, or the unexpected things (both good and bad) that will come our way. The only way any of us can have a smile in the middle of our own private limbo is by realizing who really holds our future and cast all our cares and concerns on him.
If we let ourselves feel victimized and cheated, we will be victimized and cheated. Not by the actions and choices of others, but by our own attitudes and negative thinking. It will keep us from being able to enjoy the blessings God does bring our way.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” —Jeremiah 29:11
TODAY’S CHAT: What is the biggest blessing God has brought you since you’ve been “living in limbo?” Please bless us all by sharing it in the comments box below!
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