Yikes! Christmas is less than a month away. This can be a crazy time of the year for wives and mothers . . . and even more so when there is a sex addict in the mix. Calm may seem like nothing more than an elusive dream.
If you’re like most women I know, your to-do list has grown exponentially in the past few weeks. There’s so much to do to get ready for Christmas and so much of it lands on YOUR shoulders. It can be exhausting just thinking about it.
Holidays are often a challenging times for those struggling with compulsive behaviors, as well. More family interactions, more activities, more expenses and more expectations can increase stress and escalate cravings and acting out.
In all the busyness of the season, it’s easy for all of us to forget our priorities, which can put our sanity and their recovery in jeopardy. Paying attention to a few simple things can help assure that a return to old habits or a big meltdown isn’t part of your family’s holiday celebration.
H.A.L.T.
Remembering HALT can be exceedingly helpful in counteracting some of the triggers of the holiday season. For any of you that are not familiar with HALT, H.A.L.T. stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. Any one of those conditions can sabotage recovery efforts. They also weaken our resolve and make us more vulnerable to our own old habits and new unhealthy ways of coping.
HUNGRY . . .
Too busy to eat? Missed meals? Too much sugar? Overstuffing? Too many empty calories? We seldom think of our EATING habits as having an effect on our behaviors, but everything we put in our body changes our inner chemistry and that DOES have an effect on our ability to keep our thoughts and emotions in balance. Even in this season of sugar and fat-ladened entitlement, portion control, regular meals, and healthy food choices really can assist all of us in being able to deal with life in a calm and healthier way.
ANGRY . . .
More family, more traffic, more people everywhere can really set us off . . . especially if our bodies are “running on empty” because of poor eating and lack of sleep. Experts have noted that unresolved resentments are one of the leading causes of relapse and other toxic thinking. Pay attention when you feel that anger beginning to bubble. Try to notice it in your husband. Catch it early and use stress reduction methods, like deep breathing, time-outs, walking or other exercise, and intentionally avoiding thinking and conversation that have the potential to intensify the anger. This will help bring everybody’s feelings back under control.
LONELY . . .
Holidays can be extremely lonely times. Many of us are far away from family and friends; others are struggling with the loss of a loved one; still others find that the holidays increase their feelings of being alone in a crowd.
Most addicts have a hard time connecting with other people in a deep and meaningful way, which affects their personal feelings of acceptability. Many of the men we have worked with over the years have said they feel intensely lonely and like an outsider most of the time. It’s even worse for them during the holidays when everyone else seems so connected and they feel so left out. They may not have the skills to deal with it in a beneficial way.
Their addiction was the thing that always helped distract them and numb this type of ugly feelings before. Unless they are pretty far along in the recovery process, they may find themselves battling increased cravings during this season. Their automatic reaction is often to isolate and distance themselves more than usual from the family, both emotionally and physically.
It feels so unfair when we are working so hard to make everyone’s holidays special and yet our own expectations of a happy family Christmas seem to be crumbling around us. It can create an intense loneliness and anger in us as well. Understanding what is happening can sometimes take the edge off those feelings.
Intentional preparation can also help reduce the effects of this loneliness. If possible, surround yourself with a few safe people who understand the dynamics and can provide additional support for you. Whatever you do, avoid hunkering down and isolating. Isolation never makes it better for either one of you.
TIRED . . .
Late nights, excessive busyness, and increased stress will leave you exhausted—a very dangerous state for those trying to make lifestyle changes. The changes you’re already making are stressful in their own right. Adding emotional or physical exhaustion to the mix can effectively destroy your ability to resist temptation and stay on top of your game. Pay special attention to scheduling sleep and relaxation. Seek out and hone stress reduction techniques.
SWEET CALM CAN BE YOURS
Be especially kind to yourself. Make healthy choices your number one priority this year. Your efforts will help you remain strong and victorious this holiday season. And, if along with those practical efforts, you allow yourself some time to pour out your disappointments and frustrations to our loving God, you may actually discover some glimpses of silence and calm in the midst of the turmoil.
“The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.” —Psalm 29:11
TODAY’S CHAT: Which component of H.A.L.T. is the most challenging for you during this season? What are you willing to do differently in that area to change the dynamics this year? Please share with us in the response box, below.
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