5 Reasons You Need to Build Stronger Boundaries NOW!

Boundaries. They’ve been a hot topic for years, and yet, few people have actually “nailed” the art of boundary setting.

What are boundaries, anyway? Do YOU have them? Are they strong enough? What will happen if they’re too weak? And if they’re non-existent, where and how do you start to establish them?

It’s a big topic, but it’s one we’re going to tackle over the next few blog posts.

WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES?

In relationships, they are mandatory codes of conduct that need to be respected. It’s where we draw the line on what is acceptable behavior and what is not.

These “lines in the sand,” and our consistency in enforcing them, are what teach people how to treat us. They communicate to others that we have self-respect and self-worth and will not allow other people to manipulate, abuse, or define us.

Boundaries are NOT a way to

• punish the other person
• manipulate or force them to do something
• avoid dealing with our own issues or pain
• disconnect emotionally
• take responsibility for the other person’s behaviors or recovery

WHY ARE THEY SO IMPORTANT?

Strong boundaries are absolutely essential in creating any kind of healthy relationship. This is ESPECIALLY true when one of the people in the relationship is physically, emotionally, or socially unhealthy.

Boundaries establish guidelines for appropriate behaviors and actions. They help define the limits of a relationship and protect us from being repeatedly harmed by others. If our “rules” are weak or non-existent, we can end up compromising or even losing some of the very things that make us the unique and special person God created us to be.

WHAT DO STRONG, HEALTHY LIMITS GIVE YOU?

1. Improved self-confidence and self-esteem
2. A better sense of reality and truth
   
3. Deeper, more fulfilling relationships
4. The ability to communicate more successfully with those around you
5. More stability and control over your own life

Who wouldn’t want more of these? These are the 5 reasons we ALL need to have strongly-defined boundaries in place.

SIGNS YOUR BOUNDARIES ARE MISSING OR WEAK

How many of these do you recognize in your own life?

You  . . .

____  are willing to go against your personal rights or core values to keep others happy

____  let others define you

____  feel bad or guilty when you say no or try to set limits

____  feel resentful or victimized by one or more of your relationships

____  are perpetually walking on eggshells to avoid conflict and keep the peace

____  feel responsible for making sure others do or choose the right thing

____  have a hard time following through with any threats or ultimatums you make

____  seldom speak up when you are treated badly

____  often feel taken advantage of, used, or disrepected

____  would have a hard time if you were asked to quickly list your boundaries

____  feel increasingly negative about yourself. Your self-confidence is plummeting.

Don’t stress out if you’re becoming aware that you may need to do a little work in this area. You’re certainly not alone! This is a difficult and confusing topic for the majority of people.

Realizing that there is room for improvement is infinitely better than blindly struggling without understanding why. Especially when it is something you, absolutely, have the power to change.

Over the next few weeks we’ll be walking through this together. Are you ready to join us?

EXTRA BENEFIT:
You may also remember that in our Fast Track to Healing, Trust and True Intimacy “map” one of the objectives in the 2nd Step was to clarify what is your husband’s to work on and what is yours. Establishing stronger limits will help you avoid unconsciously accepting the burden of trying to do his work for him. (If you don’t have a copy of the map, you can download it HERE.)

Behold I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. So be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. — Matthew 10:16

TODAY’S CHAT: Did you find that you struggle with some of the signs of missing or weak boundaries? If so, which ones are most problematic for you? Please consider sharing them in the comments below.