We’ve probably all had the dream about living happily ever after. It’s what all the fairy tales promised. Unfortunately, for a lot of us, life has trampled on that dream. It’s too late for us, now . . . . or is it?
Most of us thought (or at least hoped) that when we walked down the aisle toward that special man who promised to love us forever, that we were taking the first steps toward that bright and beautiful future. And then porn happened; affairs happened; lies happened and it all flew out the window. Now it seems like the best we can hope for is that we’ll be able to keep the pain and disappointment from overwhelming us.
None of us want to be hurt again. But, what if our self-protection is hurting us more than helping us.?
WALLS BECOME PRISONS
I’ll never forget the conversation I had with a wonderful woman a while back. This young lady had been through a lot in her twenty-some years.
With great sadness she said, “Throughout my life so many people abused me in so many ways that I got to the point that I didn’t know who to trust anymore. I thought that the only way to stay safe was to distance myself from everyone. So I started putting up walls to keep from getting hurt again.
It’s only now that I realize that those impenetrable walls, that I had hoped would protect me, actually became a prison that kept me from finding healing and enjoying life. I successfully kept the bad things out . . . but, in doing so, I kept the good things out as well.”
WE ALL CRAVE INTIMACY
God created in us a yearning for deep connection. True intimacy is more than just sex—it is knowing and being known. It’s that glorious freedom of being able to let it all hang out with someone—to be completely ourselves—and still be seen, heard and fully accepted. And, in return, being given the privilege to see into that person’s heart and soul and connect with them deeply and honestly without any lies or secrets getting in the way. This is what God wants for us. This is what makes our heart happy. But, all too often, it seems to be the impossible dream.
But what if it isn’t impossible. What if there’s still a chance for us?
RISKING TO DREAM
God says nothing is impossible for him. What if you could dare to dream, in spite of what’s happened—in spite of the way things are right now—that God could heal your hearts and restore your marriage? To be honest, I’ve seen it happen more times than I can count. It IS possible. It’s even happened to me.
Does that mean life is perfect? Far from it. There are still bills that are too big; problems to solve; disappointments to share . . . but that’s the difference. My husband and I are truly sharing life.
There was a time, when he was the enemy. I didn’t trust him. Some days I didn’t even want to look at him. I certainly had little hope that we could ever truly be “one.”
He and his porn had hurt me so deeply that I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go there. But, God took us through a recovery process that not only healed him, but created a new, deeper relationship for us from the ground up.
NO CONDEMNATION
If you feel that God has given you permission to separate or divorce and you have decided to pursue that option . . . please don’t take this post as any sort of condemnation or judgment about your decision. You need to follow the path God has confirmed in you.
This is for all the women who don’t know what to do. The ones that feel trapped in a marriage that is falling apart because they don’t feel like God has released them from it. The ones that just want the pain to stop so they can get on with life. The ones that are tired of being hypervigilant, guarded and confused.
If you still have a glimmer of hope; a longing to see a miracle in your marriage. . . I want to challenge you to let yourself think about what could happen if you and your husband (and your marriage) get healed?
YOUR HUSBAND COULD EXPERIENCE:
- the freedom to become the man God created him to be
- more time for family, work and hobbies
- less shame; less hiding; less anger; less fear — no monkey on his back; no feeling like a hypocrite
- a growing ability to acknowledge and empathize with the pain and needs of others
YOU COULD ENJOY:
- the heavy weight of shame, embarrassment, and fear being lifted off your shoulders.
- an increasingly relaxed spirit and a new sense of joy. Hope for the future.
- a new confidence that you are truly loved and chosen for who you are
- that heartfelt apology from your husband that you never thought you’d hear
YOUR MARRIAGE COULD BE BLESSED WITH:
- the chance to start over again, healthier, stronger, and more respectfully
- an honesty and understanding between you that restores trust and increases communication
- an increasing ability to solve life’s challenges together as a team
- more intimacy than you ever imagined possible
I’m not saying it’s easy. Dreaming is risky. There’s always a chance that it won’t turn out the way we had hoped. Our head screams “We’ll just be crushed again, so why even try?”
But, keeping the dream alive unlocks our brain to see potential, to see solutions, to move toward, instead of away.
Is it scary? You bet! But the alternative is to give up and let those fears win. It reminds me of something Les Brown, a well-known motivational speaker once said:
“Too many of us are not living out our dreams because we are living our fears.”
Choose to be strong and courageous. Let yourself live “all out” . . . take a chance . . . work toward your dream . . . and trust that, if it is not to be, God will minister to your broken heart and restore what the locusts have eaten.
Commit to doing just one little thing each day to bring you a bit closer to your happy-ever-after dream. Smile. Pray. Plan. Practice gratitude. Extend grace. Relax. And, don’t forget that you’re not alone in this. God (and some of the rest of us) are waiting to walk with you.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” —Isaiah 41:10
TODAY’S CHAT: What will you need from God (and others) to be able to risk letting yourself dream of healing for you, your husband and your marriage?
Leave A Response