ID-100288092In spite of what you feel, or even what you have been told, there are five very important truths you need to know about your husband’s addiction and its impact on you. We encourage you to memorize them and repeat them to yourself often.

1. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. This can’t be said often enough. Your husband’s actions and attitudes are NOT your fault! You didn’t “push” him into the arms of another woman or force him to use pornography to escape the realities of his life. He made these choices on his own. Even if you’ve gained weight, refused to participate in certain sexual activities, or are, according to him, a “disappointment” in the bedroom, it does not give him license to sin. Nearly every struggler we’ve worked with has eventually acknowledged that their troubles with sexual acting out began long before they even knew their wife. This is most likely true of your husband, too.

2. THIS IS A BIG DEAL. –  Although it may sound melodramatic, your husband’s problem is no less damaging to him than a cancerous tumor or a bad heart. The disease of addiction will ultimately cost him his life, whether literally or by simply commandeering his every waking moment. Experts tell us that 71% of addicts have, at some point, contemplated suicide as their only hope of finally ending their addictive cycle. Many more addicts risk life-threatening disease through affairs and prostitutes. The consequences are too grim to be ignored.

3. FACING THE TRUTH IS THE WAY TO FREEDOM. – This is true for  your spouse and it is true for you. Things that are not first acknowledged can never been changed. Attempting to ignore, minimize, or discount your partner’s problem and the effect it has had on you will keep you stuck. Once issues, fears, and hurts are out in the open, you can, with the help of God and others, learn how to resolve and move past them.

4. YOU’VE BEEN WOUNDED AND NEED HEALING, TOO. – Sexual addiction is often compared to a devastating car accident. Although your husband was the one in the driver’s seat and the one who made the choices that caused the collision, it is seldom only him that is injured in the crash. Almost without exception the others “in the car” are traumatized and  hurting, as well. Their lives are forever changed through no fault of their own. Too often, though, the focus is so completely on seeing that the one who created the accident gets the help they need, that the wounds of the wives, children or other loved ones are unintentionally minimized or overlooked.

5. YOU CAN’T DO THIS ALONE. It’s important for your peace of mind and personal healing that you have someone you can talk freely with about your own struggle.

  • They need to be someone who will really listen and encourage you and not try to “dismiss” your feelings and fears with a quick scripture or by telling you what to do.
  • They must understand enough about addiction to know that it isn’t going to away overnight, and be willing to stand by  you as long as it takes.
  • And most of all, they need to be able to keep your conversations confidential.

If available, you may also want to seek out a local support group or counselor that specializes in helping those affected by a spouse’s sexual addiction to walk with you on this journey.

To download an illustrated pdf of The Five Realities of your Situation click on the link below:


“Truth” Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at
Read More:  What about YOU? >    Is My Husband a Sex Addict? >

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